When You Give a Valdez a Sonic
by ZeFandomKat
Summary: Leo Valdez knows about the gods, monsters, and chili-breathed dog ladies, so it really shouldn't have come as a surprise to him that aliens were real too. Well, it did. A routine check up of the Argo II after the war with Gaea took quite a turn when he ran into a...Pepper shaker? Join him and his newfound friend as they try to piece together this mystery.
1. Chapter 1: The Pepper Shaker of Doom

Well I decided to go ahead and upload this. I wrote it a couple of years ago, well started it a couple of years ago, and I have mixed feelings about it. It's already finished and everything, so there's that. You'll be able to see a change in my writing style as the chapters go on. Oh, and so sorry for the way younger me wrote. *Shivers*

**Chapter One: The Pepper Shaker of Doom**

*Insert amazing narrator voice here.* It was just another peaceful, relaxing day on the Argo II. The Dirt Lady War (As Leo so affectionatly referred to it) had ended about 3 months ago. And while everything wasn't Disney perfect just yet, it was certainly a lot better than everyone on Earth (Muggles (again, Leo's terms) demigods, and every other non-evil being) being in danger of being eradicated by the insane Mother Earth herself, Gaea. Sorry Leo, Dirt Lady.

Anywho, the Seven had saved the world and all who inhabit it by doing something really heroic and amazing and...LONG. No time for that now. Spoilers! Continuing on, no matter what the Fabulous Seven-Wait, what? That's it, I quit!

~Random author pops up: Why? Don't go Cave!~

Narrator: Leo keeps on messing with my script! "The Fabulous Seven"? Really? I did not go to Universal Narrator College for this!

~Author: B-But! Leo is not doing anything to your script! I'm the author! *Realizes what she just said* Oh darn.~

Narrator: *Dramatically* So it was YOU! Good luck finding another narrator to narrate your nonsense, because I QUIT! *Stoms off to wherever narrators come from.*

~Author: FINE! I'LL NARRATE MY NONSENSE MYSELF!~

Let's start over, shall we?

Three months after the war with Gaea found Leo tending to his beloved Argo II. Sure, she wasn't really being used for anything right now, but that didn't mean that she needed to be abandoned and uncared for. So, Leo took it upon himself (threatening anyone who volunteered) to come and manage the ship every couple of days. Truth be told, Leo likes the solitude. Everyone was a little too lovey-dovey for his taste. He probay woundn't mind it as much, though, if he had a girlfriend of his own.

'But I digress,' Leo thought, and he began to hum "Feliz Navidad" to himself as he grabbed a rag and headed to the Engine Room. Time to wipe away the grime that comes from being awesomely amazing. Which is most definetly a word, or grammatically correct, or whatever mortals call it nowadays.

'No, Leo! MUGGLES.' He reminded himself, passing the dining room and heading down the stairs. People thought Leo did this just to be stupid or cheesy, but he actually had a reason. Calling mortals (regular people) "Muggles" enabled him and any other demigods who were actually perceptive to talk about demigoddish things in front of normal people and they would just laugh and think them crazy fans. Which, admittedly, most demigods were, so it was a win-win.

Leo chuckled to himself as he was turning the final corner.

And ran right into a table.

"Buford! Hey buddy, whatcha doing down here?" Leo knelt down next to the table and rubbed it on the lip, causing it to purr (well, as close as tables could come to purring. So more like a rattling of some sort.) in pleasure. But then the little table seemed to snap out of it, and he started to hurriedly nudge Leo in the direction of the Engines, as a little child would push their parents to closet in order to ward off monsters.

"Woah woah, what's wrong Buf?" Leo exclaimed, stopping right in front of the door with Buford at his heels. Of course, the table didn't respond, instead making a sort of shaky sound, as if he was...afraid.

'What, is there a bucket of dirty bleach in there or something?' Leo thought as he gripped the door knob and swung it open.

In hindsight, Leo probably should've been more cautious. But it's not like Leo was known for thinking things through. He could probably give Percy a run for his money in the "Does-really-stupid-and-impulsive-stuff-most-of-the-time" category. But honestly, though, Leo wasn't expecting anything really dangerous. It wasn't too hard to frighten Buford, especially if you knew the right buttons, metaphorically, to push. So, at the the most, Leo was expecting for a bucket to fall on his head and douse him, or maybe to even find a fire had started in the Engine Room, as that *had* happened once...or twice.

However, Leo definitely was not expecting to find a very large, very emotionally-troubled pepper shaker.

It was just standing there in the middle of the room; there wasn't anything else, and all it was doing was seemingly looking ('Or scanning,' Leo thought) around the room.

At first, Leo wasn't really threatened by it. In fact, he was more curious. How did it get in? He wasn't sure it would've been able to get down the stairs, so that meant it hadn't used the door. Which would've been fine, except that there wasn't any other way in. So how was it here?

Also, it wasn't very intimidating looking. It was just like a pepper shaker, with theses little antenna things on top of its head, a sort of toilet plunger and whisk thingy sticking out of its middle, and a glowing blue eyestalk sticking straight out of its face. It was a dull brown, metal color, so it was obviously a machine. But, really, pepper shakers are not intimidating. Unless you pour too much, or they have spinning razor blades for a lid.

...Maybe it was time for Leo to lay off the 'R' movies and stick to Wreck-It-Ralph.

"Um, hi, nice to meet you, I'm Leo, Supreme Commander of the Argo II, blah blah blah. Who or what are you and what are you doing on my ship?"

The pepper shaker turned to look at Leo, and he could've sworn that it was looking at him with a look of utter contempt and loathing. Basically the look he got from girls whenever he tried to talk to them.

"We are the Daleks. You are in charge of this vessel?" It grated out in a very monotonous, stereotypical robot voice. Devoid of emotion. Cold. Heartless.

...Totally making Leo want to bust a gut.

Leo smirked and saluted the robot ps. "That I am! What could I do for you, Dalek?"

The "Dalek" suddenly rolled closer to Leo and yell out, in its strange voice, "We are the Daleks, and you shall be EXTERMINATED!"

And it promptly shot out a laser beam thing that Leo only managed to duck and avoid in the Nick if time.

"Woah! Looks like someone's a little grumpy! Did salt leave ya?" And after that witty remark, Leo folded down Buford, shoved him into his tool belt, and hightailed it away from the pepper shaker of doom.

With it yelling all the while, "EXTERMINATE!"

End of Chapter One

**Whew! *Dramatically wipes forehead* I'm not so sure about this chapter, but if it's too bad I can always edit it later. And sorry if the very beginning seems a bit weird or like it's too...much. I had to. My mind wouldn't let it go. So, I hope I made you laugh with my ADHDness.


	2. Chapter 2: Suspenders Are Cool

I forgot to make this clear before, but I wrote this before the final two Heroes of Olympus books came out. So it really is an AU, but it technically already was one so...

**Chapter Two: Suspenders Are Cool**

'Right here, left there, another rig-NO LEFT I MEAN LEFT!' Leo internally monolagued as he ran as fast as his (scrawny) legs could carry him. He definetly did NOT want to be caught by the Giant Pepper Shaker. For one thing, he had a gut instinct that it really would kill him. For another: How embarrassing would it BE to not even be able to outrun a giant Sodium Chloride dispenser? Answer: Very. He knew that, had any of his friends been there and he did happen to get caught by the PS, he would never be able to live it down. Which, admittedly, might not be too long of a wait.

Legs pumping, Leo skidded around another corner and dashed up the stairs to the main hallway. He could see the exit that led onto the deck.

And suddenly Leo didn't want to escape anymore.

He knew- he just knew- that that...thing would destroy his entire, beloved ship. The very ship that he had first drawn when he was little, the very ship he had poured so much time and effort into. The ship that was very much alive, and very much near and dear to his heart.

There was no way Leo was going to let that happen. He wouldn't let Festus down again.

Leo scurried into the Captain's Study and barricaded the door behind him using his desk, comfy chair, bookshelf, and anything else that could delay the 'Dalek' long enough to give Leo time to think. He knew it wouldn't stop it indefinitely, but he didn't have many options available to him at this point.

"Okay, Festus, how did that thing get on here in the first place?" Leo asked, pacing the box shaped room. It wasn't very large, but it had a sort-of window looking out onto the main deck. By 'sort-of window', he meant one way mirror. He could see whatever was going on out on deck, but whenever someone glanced in it's direction from the outside all they saw was another blank section of wall. Leo was glad he'd installed it; it offered him a possible escape route.

But back to the subject at hand.

The ship seemingly answered him with a set of whirrs and clicks. Leo understood perfectly, seeing as he was fluent in Creak-and-Squek. And yes, you weren't mistaking anything; the Argo II is alive.

In all actuality, the alive part of the ship's name is Festus, but he likes both. Not many people know that Leo fused Festus and his conciousness to the entire ship, instead of just the mast head. Leo liked being able to talk to his friend anywhere, at any time. He also liked how much pride the metal dragon took from being the best Greek trireme in the entire history of the world. Take that, Titanic II (Yes, the second Titanic was a Greek Trireme. Don't ask.).

If Leo was expecting good news from his fire spewing friend, though, he was sorely disappointed.

Leo frowned as Festus whirred and clicked at him, troubled by this news. "There was just a beam of light and it was there?!" Leo shook his head groaned, leaning back to stare at the ceiling. "I knew I shouldn't have upset my father. Sorry for the Tabasco sauce thing, Dad!" Of course, there was no reply, but Leo didn't really expect one. He had asked for this when he'd decided to pull a Stoll and pour Tobasco sauce into the brazier for their mealy sacrifice to the gods. He could practically see his father cursing in a combination of Greek and Spanish, a language Hephestus was find of.

Well, just his luck. He's peeved off his father, and as a result got this lovely visit from the absolutely adorable murderous Pepper Shaker outside. Which was still, by the way, yelling, "EXTERMINATE!"

Leo groaned again and threw his hands up into the air in frustration. "Gah, I could figure it out, if only I had a little more TIME!"

And out of nowhere, Leo heard a very strange noise.

It sounded mechanical, and the best way it could be described would be as, 'vworp, vworp'. It was a sort of keening metal-scratching-against-metal sound (a sound Leo was very familiar with). As if THAT wasn't weird enough, the Fates decided to throw in another surprising tidbit to this big bowl of crazy: a blue box was pulsating in and out of existence in time with the mysterious metal noise.

...No more peanut butter cookies right before bed for Leo.

When the noise finally stopped, Leo stated at the box. 'Police Call Box? What the...' Leo thought, shifting closer to the strange machine, forgetting all about the hormonal Pepper Shaker right outside the door in the hallway. And there was no mistaking that this was very much a machine, the only questions were WHAT kind of machine, and who the driver/creator was.

When Leo was about five feet away from the doors, they popped open and out sprung a...very strange man.

"Somebody call for me? I heard 'Time' so of course you were basically talking to me! Oh!" The energetic mam said, gazing upon Leo with a large grin that grew even larger right in front of Leo's eyes until it looked as if it would tear his face in half. "You've got suspenders! Suspenders are cool!" As if to prove his point, he snapped his own suspenders, then proceeded to straighten out his red bow tie.

Leo looked up and down this strange man dressed in a tweed jacket, suspenders, and a bow tie with brown floppy hair waving in his face with forest green eyes and that impossible smile. Basically everything about the man screamed 'Crazy!'

Leo liked him already.

"Umm, thanks, I think. My name's Leo Valdez," Leo said, awkwardly sticking out his hand to the obviously ADHD stranger.

Huh. First time Leo's ever been on the receiving end of someone else's ADHDness.

The man's grin widened (who knew it was even possible) as he enthusiastically shook, not just Leo's hand, but his entire arm. "Pleased to meet you, Leo. I'm the Doctor."

End of Chapter Two


	3. Chapter 3: Doctor Who?

*Cringes at my old writing* I would go back and change it, but I'm not feeling up to it at the moment. Also, sorry for the incredibly cheesy chapter name. I don't really regret that though.

**Chapter Three: Doctor Who?**

Leo raised an eyebrow at 'The Doctor' and was about to ask him 'Doctor Who?' when an especially load crash outside reminded him of what was going on. Shaking his head as if to clear it from any stray thoughts (Can't you just tell that this is getting serious?) Leo looked firmly at the Doctor.

"Do you have any idea what that giant, angry, metal pepper shaker is doing on my ship?" To accent his point, Leo jerked his thumb back at the barricaded doorway, which was seriously beginning to shake in it's foundations. Leo knew it wouldn't be able to last much longer.

The Doctor turned around as if only just realizing that there was a ruckus going on. To Leo's dismay, his previously jovial and seemingly care-free expression morphed into one that would make Gaea run and cry for her mommy. Striding over to the blocked entrance, the Doctor whipped something out of his coat pocket and proceeded to, as Leo guessed, scan the door. The strange contraption buzzed, and Leo peered closer at it. He had a sudden strange thought- It looked an awful lot like a screwdriver. Well, at least to Leo. To anyone else, they probably wouldn't even be able to remotely identify it without the aid of someone more knowledgable about it than they. Of course, it was by no means an ordinary screwdriver, but it was a screwdriver nonetheless. And as the Doctor held it up to his face to read the results of his scanning, Leo knew he had to have one for himself too.

"Well," The Doctor said, breaking Leo out of his thoughts and spinning around to face the Latino boy. "As I once used to say, I'm so, so sorry. Do you want the bad news or the good news first?"

"Um," Leo said, gazing with trepidation at the Doctor, whom Leo realized he trusted absolutely and completely (That might very likely get him killed later). "Bad news. Rip it off like an old bandaid."

The Doctor half smiled grimly at Leo, convincing the young half-blood even further that something really, really bad was going on. "Well, the bad news is that there is a Dalek right outside that door, on your ship as you say. Daleks are the evilest creatures in all of creation. They have no emotions other than hate, and they live to eradicate the "lesser races". Basically, anything that isn't a Dalek is a lesser race. They are very experienced at killing, and they have absolutely no mercy. Once a Dalek decides to kill you, you're dead."

Leo gulped, his mouth suddenly very dry indeed. "Great, so what's the good news?"

And now the Doctor really did grin, though it didn't really feel like a normal grin. It felt almost...predatory. But then Leo realized that this strange man must really hate these Dalek things.

Like Leo really hated the Dirt Lady Gaea.

Leo really liked this guy though. It was like he'd found his long lost fraternal twin. Apparent happiness on the outside disguised the terrible, terrible pain they were experiencing on the inside. Normally their shields were the best of the best, but sometimes someone was able to find a microscopic crack and chip it open. Releasing the tsunami of emotions to flood their facial expressions, letting the outside world know that-'Woah,' Leo thought. 'I really hate it when I get all philosophical like that.'

"The good news is that I'm here, and there's no way I'm letting one more person be harmed by the Daleks. So, Leo Valdez, any questions?" The mad grin was back, and Leo readily returned it with one of his own, raising his hand in the air unnecessarily.

"Just a couple. Firstly, what do we do? And secondly, Doctor Who?"

The Doctor grinned wider and leaned forwards as if he was about to share some great secret. "Exactly."

As the Doctor rocked back on his heels, Leo could just tell that this was the start of a beautiful friendship.

End of Chapter Three


	4. Chapter 4: An Awful Lot of Running to Do

Woot woot another chapter~ Like I said, this story is already completed so...

**Chapter Four: An Awful Lot of Running to Do**

The Doctor and Leo jumped at a particularly loud bang coming from the door. This seemed to remind the both of them that there actually was something out there that wanted them dead, and that they should probably do something to delay its for as long as possible. Yes, that was always a very good plan to follow.

"Right, Leo Valdez, tell me about this ship of yours. Where are we? And what is it capable of?" The Doctor rattled off to Leo, striding over to the one way window and peering out at the deck beyond.

Despite the fact that Leo was in mortal peril (again), he couldn't help but swell with pride for his beloved ship. Any respectable captain would've done the same. And also like any other respectable captain, he couldn't resist talking- or boasting- about his ship either.

"Well, we're in the Captain's Cabin right now. There are three levels, you're looking out at the deck right now, and it's a Greek Trireme," Leo recited casually, not even for a second wondering about whether or not he should've told the Doctor that. Really, the man didn't seem that normal anyway, and Leo was absolutely positive that he wasn't a mortal. Maybe a demigod, or perhaps even a minor god, considering his mode of transport.

Maybe he shouldn't have just laid it out to him quite like that.

"Hmm, yes, that's very-" The Doctor seemed to sudden register all of Leo's words for the first time, and spun around quickly to gape at Leo and peer at him closely. "Sorry, did you say 'Greek Trireme'?" At Leo's nod of ascent, he appeared to be incredulous and shocked.

"But that's not- Sorry, what year is this?" He asked, seemingly out of nowhere to Leo. Aware of the fact that they didn't have much to stand around chit-chatting, Leo hurried to answer as fast as he could.

"2013."

"But that doesn't make any sense! How can there be a Greek Trireme in 2013?" He looked at Leo with that frantic gaze Annabeth often got when there was something that didn't add up to anything she knew and it was driving her crazy. Which let Leo know that the Doctor was obviously incredibly intelligent and highly inquisitive. Cool.

"Woah, calm down. I'll explain," Leo frantically tried to appease the Doctor, but got stuck when the man peered at him like a child would a storyteller telling one of his favorites. Guess he had to tell him about the gods after all.

"Well, you know about the Ancient Greek gods and goddesses right?" Cue nod from Doctor. "Turns out, they are real, and all the Ancient Greek myths too. That includes the Greek monsters. The gods and goddesses have kids with mortals surprisingly a lot. Their children are demigods, like the first Perseus and Jason. I'm a son of Hephaestus, the Greek god of the forges," Leo gulped in breaths of air after he had given the 'short' version of his life and culture. If Leo was hoping to have a life changing effect on the Doctor, however, he was sorely disappointed.

The Doctor just looked at Leo as if what he had just revealed explained so many things that had been bothering him for a little while. Leo realized that the Doctor must face the impossible on a daily basis, and thusly isn't overly affected by much at all anymore.

"Well, that makes much more sense now! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Ignoring Leo's stunned expression, he twirled back around to the window and started feeling along the edges. "Does this open?"

Shaking off what the Doctor said, Leo rushed over and pressed a hidden button on the very top right corner. Immediately, the window slid smoothly open to the deck, allowing for the two very fashionable guys to scramble out of the room just as the Dalek burst inside. As it turned threateningly towards them, the Doctor quickly buzzed his screwdriver at the open window, causing it to close and create another thin barrier between them and the pepper shaker of death. The Doctor looked over at Leo and half-smiled mischievously, a look Leo recognized as the one he himself so often used. As such, Leo didn't even realize that his matching smile was sliding into position on his face.

"We've got to get some answers, and there's only one thing that will allow us to stay alive long enough to figure it out."

"And what's that?" Leo asked, grinning wider. Hey, Leo couldn't stay serious for too long. It would ruin his image.

"We've got an awful lot of running to do," And with that, he took off towards the control deck, with Leo hot on his heels.

End of Chapter Four


	5. Chapter 5: Mr Positive

Yet another chapter. I hope you all are enjoying this story. ^-^

**Chapter 5: Mr. Positive**

There was a repeating echo of their shoes slamming against the wooden floor of the ship as they hightailed it to the control deck. Leo was impressed with the Doctor's running ability, and was also glad for it because it would really SUCK if his new friend couldn't take any more and ended up being killed by that Dalek thing. Leo hated it when his buddies died horrible deaths. They were usually never any fun.

But the only way that would happen this time is if one them tripped over air or something. There was enough of that in enough horror movies for Leo to know that that was such a lousy way to kick the bucket.

Hmm. He was certainly being Mr. Positive.

As the pair skidded to the main controls, the Doctor whirled around to face Leo.

"Alright, were are the schematics for your ship?"

Leo nudged past him and spoke into the microphone directly linked to Festus. (Anyone else would be hard pressed to know which one of the multitude of microphones and buttons and doodads did what. If asked, Leo would deny that this was done on purpose.) "Hey buddy, pull up the schematics please?"

Festus whirred in reply, and when Leo looked over he saw such a huge grin on the Doctor's face that he really wondered how he was able to talk or do anything else.

"...What?" Leo asked, raising an eyebrow at the quirky man.

"Your ship talks! And you talk to him! You know, he really is very eloquent. I talk to my ship too, but she replies in my mind...sort of," the Doctor rambled, memorizing the layout of the ship while doing so.

On the other hand, Leo was flabbergasted. "You can understand Festus?" Everything he learned about this strange man just made him even more of a mystery. And cooler. Way cooler. Anyone who was smart enough to understand Festus was automatically awarded a 'Best Friend for Life' card in Leo's book.

"Is that his name? Lovely name, means happy in Latin. And I speak everything. Where did you say the Dalek appeared?"

Shaking his head, Leo replied, "Uh, I didn't. I was heading down to the Engine Room, and Buford was acting funny. I opened the door, and saw that metal can of hate mail in the middle of the room."

Chuckling darkly, the Doctor muttered, "That's another way to describe it." Louder, he addressed Leo. "Did it say anything else? This is important."

Leo shrugged. "It just asked if I was the owner of this vessel. I said yes. It started yelling some very harsh things. Someone obviously needs to go to anger management."

The Doctor half smiled, but then he frowned deeply. He was still looking at the map of the Argo ll, and something seemed to have bothered him. Whatever could cause this guy to worry made Leo close to terrified. It was always that way with strong leaders, like Jason and Percy. They would never show their friends how scared or worried they were if they could help it. And Leo could tell that the Doctor was a leader. After all, he had gotten Leo to trust him almost immediately with no mess and no fuss. So, if anyone who might've been within the vicinity to see Leo, that would be the reason for why his face had gotten so pale.

"Leo, looking at these schematics I can see that the hallway is very close packed. Yes?" At Leo's nod, he continued. "Really, there's only room enough for one person at a time. You were headed down that direction, and you never saw it pass you. It was just there, correct?" Again, Leo nodded. "And there's no other way to the Engine Room. SO, the question is- How did the Dalek get down there? And who put the Dalek there, and why?"

They looked at each other grimly for a moment, and simultaneously decided, "We need to get down there."

End of Chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6: Heating Up on a Simmer

Here you go~ Also, if you notice there is actually some plot now. *Laughs and smirks* Sorry this one and the last few have been so short.

**Chapter Six: Heating Up on a Simmer**

It seemed to Leo that there was nothing but running.

Seriously, all his life Leo had ran. From the Foster homes, from monsters, and now with a decidedly mad man away from an exceedingly angry machine...thing.

Really, what_ is_ a Dalek? Is it just something concocted up by one of the more creative monsters, or was it from another world entirely?

And since when did Leo seriously start considering that possibility?

He supposed it was another effect that the Doctor had on people. Also, casually using the word "Monsters" to refer to mythical beings isn't exactly sane either.

Eh, being sane and normal is boring anyway.

"How are we going to get to the Engine Room?" Leo panted as he and the Doctor managed to duck behind a pile of boxes on the main deck.

"Well, seeing as this is _your_ ship, I was hoping you might have some ideas!" The Doctor snapped, peeking out from behind their make-shift cover.

"You're the one with all the bright ideas! I'm just the mechanic!" Leo tautly replied, glaring at the innocent boxes sullenly. Very un-Leo like.

The Doctor whipped his head back around, causing Leo to start in surprise at the fierce look in his eyes. It looked like there was a fire burning deep within them, and Leo knew, without a shadow of a doubt (if he had had any doubts left) that this man a) wasn't human, and b) was incredibly old and powerful. The look in the Doctor's eyes made Leo want to shrink away, but at the same time it emboldened him.

"Leo Valdez, in over 1,000 years of traveling through time and space, I have never met someone who wasn't important before. Look around you; you designed and built this entire ship. Maybe you had help with the actual building part, but no one's perfect. It takes an incredible mind to create something this magnificent. You, Leo Valdez, have imagination, and you are **very** clever. So, I'd say, a mechanic is exactly what we need."

Leo stared at the Doctor for a moment. He was right. _Leo_ made the Argo ll. No one knows this ship better than him. And he'd sooner go to Tartarus than let some pepper shaker take his precious ship away from him. He needed to think of a plan so that he and the Doctor could get down to the Engine Room and finally end this. Whatever this is.

'Okay Leo, think. What do you have?'

His eyes drifted to the crates in front of the pair. The one nearest to Leo read, "Greek Fire. Handle with EXTREME care."

Slowly, a grin spread across Leo's face.

"Alright Doctor, here's the plan."

End of Chapter Six


	7. Chapter 7: What's Going to Happen?

Getting close to the end here folks~

**Chapter 8: What's Going to Happen?**

"HEY UGLY!"

The Dalek seemed to like Leo's new name for it even less than the others. It also seemed to dislike the explosions going off around it.

His idea had seemed good at the time. Distract the Dalek with name calling and pyromaniacy. Leo's two greatest skills. But as he ducked behind a box (most likely) full of fluffy feathers (Buford liked to have fresh replacements for his dusters), he thought that perhaps it might have been better to think it a little more through.

But at least this should give the Doctor plenty of time to meddle about down in the Engine Room. He had agreed with Leo that it was probably a bad idea for them to both be down there while the pyshcopath trash can ran about above deck, trying to find them to give them a less than friendly hug. Leo didn't particularly want its kindness.

So, the Doctor was downstairs trying to figure out how and why the Dalek was here in the first place, while Leo provided a Class A distraction. He could've argued for being the one to go check things out, but Leo already knew that he was WAY out of his depth. Plus, the Doctor seemed to know what he was doing, although he was a little cukoo-cachoo, so he figured he had it all under control.

Which is more than Leo could say for himself at the moment.

See, the thing about Greek Fire is that it is extremely- EXTREMELY- volatile. It is very hard to direct it anywhere, or to keep it from going off in your face. Leo might be fireproof, but he wasn't entirely sure that that would extend to Greek Fire as well. Also, Festus **definitely **wasn't Greek Fire prooof. That presented a problem to Leo, seeing as how his newfound nemesis was ON the ship. Fun times, fun times.

And another thing about Greek Fire- it doesn't go out. It's notorious for burning for forever, so that's why it was only ever used in emergencies. Leo was using a lot of what was located on the Argo II on the Dalek. And Leo was getting good hits on it; he hadn't missed a single shot yet, and he'd fired three times. The Dalek should have been dead, or at least grieviously injured.

It wasn't. Of course.

When this was all over, if Leo was still alive, he had to figure out what kind of metal it was made out of. That was some incredibly hardy stuff.

He lobbed another small container at it, hitting the main body of it again (the part that looked like a trash can). Leo made sure to only throw the small containers, he didn't want any large, out of control fires.

The Dalek made an angry kind of noise, and continued with its "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!". Really, doesn't that ever get tiring? Anyway, it fired one of its lazer bolt thingies at Leo, and he just barely mangaged to duck behind the feather crate. It got hit instead, and exploded, causing burning feathers to drift down onto the deck. Welp, he needed a new hiding place now.

He felt a small movement in his belt (alive things tended to do that- don't ask how he found that out), and realized Buford must have somehow sensed his precious feather stores be destroyed.

"I'll get you some new ones soon buddy," Leo muttered to his belt (Probably looking very strange), but that didn't seem to pacify the table.

Leo sighed, skidding behind another crate, this time full of scraps of Celestial Bronze. 'I wonder how the Doctor's doing?'

"Well this is bad. This is very very not good," the Doctor said, looking at the back wall of the Engine Room. In the middle of it, lay a single crack. A very familiar crack to the Doctor. And it was glowing.

End of Chapter 7


	8. Chapter 8: A Cracked Universe etc

There's an author's note at the end of this chapter, be sure to read it as it's highly important to this story. Also, this is the second to last chapter~

**Chapter 8: A Cracked Universe and an Angry Table**

The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and went up to the crack on the wall to...well, sonic it. More specifically, he was going to scan it to see a) how long it had been there and c) what it had to do with the Dalek suddenly showing up on a modern Greek Trireme.

"Wait, happened to b?" The Doctor paused for a spilt second, and remembered it was because he disliked having anything 'b'. Plan bs were almost always sure to fail, and really, wasn't being the second place the same as being the first loser?

"Ooh, when did I become so cynical?" The Doctor mused, examining the results on his beloved sonic. And then completely throwing away whatever he was about to say to himself in favor of a new topic. "Well, that's not supposed to happen."

The Doctor stared at it for a few moments longer, and then pocketed it, adjusted his bowtie, and ran back out the door of the Engine Room. He had to let Leo know right away. It might just save his life.

Leo was dead. He was out of Greek Fire, and the Dalek was descending on him. It seemed to be taking its time, as if it had realized that Leo was defenseless and prime for destruction. To be honest, Leo wasn't terrified. Scared, sure. But he'd faced death enough that it had kind of lost its shining appeal. If you weren't able to detect the sarcasm in that statement, you and Leo can't be friends.

Anyway, he decided that he didn't want the Argo, or Festus, to be without someone who understood him, so he prayed to his father that the Doctor would be able to save his precious ship from destruction. Leo signed away his precious dragon/ship, and knew that at least the Doctor would know how to take care of him. He stared straight at the Dalek, hoping maybe he'd be able to imitate Percy or Jason in their unwavering bravery before death-

When his table leaped out of his pocket and started shouting.

It wasn't in English, of course. It was that mechanical language that only Leo, some of the other Hephaestus kids, and apparently the Doctor could understand. But even if Frank had been there, he would have easily been able to guess what was streaming from the little table in clicks and whistles.

Leo decided that later he'd have to thouroghly scrub the table down with soapy water.

Even the Dalek seemed taken aback by the sheer outrage and hate pooring from Buford. It had stopped its advance on Leo, and seemed to be listening with rapt awe to the frankly potty-mouthed furnishing. For that Leo was grateful, although heavily confused. Why would an angry table make the death trash can stop in its tracks?

He got his answer just as the Doctor burst out onto the deck.

"LEO, this Dalek isn't like-"

The Dalek rolled forwards, seemed to almost nuzzle Buford, and basically crooned "Infatuate. Infatuate."

Leo and the Doctor stood there in shock for a moment.

Then Leo said the first thing that came to his mind.

"WHAT."

End of Chapter 8

Okay I know that seems really cracky and what not, but this story was actually inspired by this one writer who asked a whovian to write it. Their were certain stipulations to it, and this was one of them. I hope you like it none the less.


	9. Chapter 9: I JustWhat!

And here's the end of this story! It is extremely likely that I will write a sequel one day, so there's that. Thank you for reading this!

**Chapter 9: I Just...What?!**

"So, explain again?" Leo asked the Doctor, sitting beside the man as they ate peanut butter cookies to get over the shock of the day.

"The Dalek came through the crack in the Universe, and it must have completely scrambled its physcology, therefore leaving it the opposite of every other Dalek ever: capable of feeling love," the Doctor replied, shoving an entire cookie into his mouth at once and barely managing to not spray crumbs all over Leo.

They were currently watching said Dalek fret over Buford, which strangely enough the table didn't seem to mind. It seemed that he liked to have someone worry over him for once. Leo couldn't really handle the scene, though. The Dalek was just crooning over_ his- _emphasis on his- table, when just an hour earlier he'd been running for his life from the pepper shaker. Or at least, he'd thought he'd been.

"And why was it chasing us again?" Leo bit into a cookie, finding solace from the weirdness in its peanut buttery flavor. Screw ambrosia, peanut butter cookies are where its at.

"It was in shock, and went in search of the nearest lifeform it could find. It needed assurance, after being rewritten like that."

"So, basically, it was looking for someone to mommy it?" Leo didn't really know how he felt about where this was going.

The Doctor grinned at him, wiping away the last vestiges of cookie with his jacket sleeve. "Bingo! It was looking for a nice, soothing hug and words of affection. So it went after the nearest lifeform it could find- you. And then it imprinted itself on you!"

"So it thinks I'm its mom?"

"Correctamundo!" After saying that, the Doctor frowned to himself and muttered, "I wasn't ever going to say that again."

Leo wasn't really paying attention to his friend- and that is what they were, friends. He was mulling over the fact that he was now the mommy (No, daddy) of a strange metal creature from space. Of course, the metal was just its protective suit; the Doctor had explained the Daleks to Leo as they gathered their snacks. They were actually little mutant type octopus thingies, and they were insanely smart. They were the result of a madman named Davros, and originated from the planet Skaro. The Doctor's people had been in a terrible war with them for an incredibly long time.

Speaking of which, Leo had found out that his sneaking suspicions had been correct. The Doctor wasn't human. He had told Leo that he was something called a Time Lord, from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. He had two hearts, an amazing intellect, and the ability to live for an incredibly long time. This hadn't truly surprised Leo all that much. After all, he dealt with myths and legends on a daily basis- heck, his own father was the god of Forgery and Fire!

They sat there for a while longer in silence as they watched the two lovebirds interact. Leo was wondering if he should separate the two; he didn't really know everything about Dalek biology, and hey, he wasn't ready to be a grandfather.

"I'll have to take him with me," the Doctor said quietly, and Leo turned to him while raising an eyebrow (A skill he was particularly proud of).

"What? Why? You see how happy he is with Buford? And, um, is it even a boy?" He wasn't entirely sure.

The Doctor shook his head. "No, Daleks don't really have genders. They aren't born like humans are, so there's no need for it. Of course, there are species out there that have genders but no reproduction, or there are others with no gender but reproduction. And I mean a **lot**. Those Tjups are very forward with affection," the Doctor shuddered from some memory, and Leo hoped the Tjups wouldn't come to earth anytime soon if it was something to heed.

"You didn't answer my first questions, though," Leo prodded gently after a few moments, when it became clear that the Doctor wasn't going to answer on his own.

Leo had been right (CoughasusualCough), since the Doctor sighed in way that said 'Oh, you got me.' "Well, it has highly advanced technology, not to mention the fact that he might revert back to normal. Also, how are you going to explain him to the others?" Leo had, of course, told him all about Camp Halfblood and his particular close group of friends. After he had told Leo a little about his sad life, he'd figured he might as well return the favor. It was kind of depressing, actually, but at least they both recognized that there many good points in their lives as well.

'Again with the incredibly mushy deep thinking Leo?' Thought Leo, wondering what it was about today that had turned him into some sort of philosopher.

"Easy. I've made pretty advanced stuff too, and its not like I'd let anyone take him apart. I can just say he's a new invention of mine, and they'll be fine with it. And you said yourself that there was no way for him to go back," Leo countered, feeling smug about besting his new genius friend.

The Doctor still seemed to be hesitating, though, so Leo lightly punched his arm and said, "Come on, they make such a good pair. I think I'll call them Dalord." Leo received a strange look at this, but finally the Doctor sighed in defeat.

"Fine, fine. But that does mean that I'll have to check up on you every once in a while," the Doctor stood up and made his way over to the TARDIS, which he had let Leo look inside at earlier as he explained that it was his time and space machine. Just looking at the larger on the inside interior made Leo drool in deep admiration. It had taken a lot of willpower for him to reject the Doctor's offer to travel with him (Leo was so excited when he asked), but he knew he couldn't just leave his friends like that. Even though the war was over, they would still miss him. Luckily, the Doctor had taken this well, and seemed to understand the reason for Leo's rejection. He also seemed to know that Leo wouldn't say no to a trip every now and then.

Leo laughed. "You better, otherwise I might start to wonder if this ever happened at all."

The Doctor joined him, then stepped inside his spaceship. He leaned out, though, before he took off. "You're always welcome aboard the TARDIS. It was an honor and a pleasure to meet you, Leo Valdez."

Grinning, Leo mock saluted the alien. "Likewise, Doctor."

The vworping sound filled the air as the blue box faded in and out of existence. Then, with a final _bong_, it was gone. Leo sighed, knowing that it would probably take a while for the Doctor to return. He turned to look at his charges, and found them pretty much in the same position as before. He was about to go over to them before he felt something in appear in one of his belt's pockets. He put his hand into it, and withdrew something that resembled the tool that the Doctor had used earlier. In fact, it looked _exactly_ like the Doctor's tool. What had he called it...? Ah, a sonic screwdriver.

Leo slowly smirked as he realized the full implications of the Doctor's gift.

"Ah, this is gonna be _sweet_!"

End of Chapter 9


End file.
